Archive for October, 2012

Posted: October 29, 2012 in Uncategorized

Ian Bone

 

Loyal: Morrison with Baroness Thatcher in 1990
 
Sir Peter Morrison PPS to Thatcher and vice- chairman of the tory party linked to 600 attacks on boys in North Wales care homes over 20 years. William Hague was secretary of state for wales at the time and must have known – as must Thatcher.

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I struggled for a long time in deciding whether or not I was going to write this particular blog.  See, the following story isn’t controversial.  It isn’t political.  It doesn’t attack the system or open your eyes to injustices in the world.  However, it is a story about positive energy, and that is also a recurring theme in this blog.  What I struggle with, however, is that this is my own story.  This is what happened to me.  I wasn’t sure whether I was ready or not to share it.  I wasn’t sure whether or not I was ready to have people know exactly what has been going on inside me for the past few years.  But then I thought, I have learned from the two seriously horrible experiences that I have gone through.  It has given me a positive outlook on life.  It has changed the way I am profoundly and for that, I thank these horrible experiences.  So, I think I am ready to tell what has happened, not in the least because it will make me feel better – I hope.

Ten Years Ago

Ten years ago, I fell pregnant for the first time.  I was over the moon.  It was planned, it was the next logical step in our relationship, it was right.  Everything went well, until, at 22 weeks pregnancy, I went for a scan and something seemed wrong.  I had what is known as Intra Uterine Growth Retardation, which meant my baby wasn’t growing.  I spent four weeks on bed rest and had to deliver at 26 weeks.  My baby had only grown a little bit since that 22 week scan, meaning she was just 1lb and half an ounce in weight.  I ruined my body in delivering her, forfeiting my chance of ever delivering naturally again.  Small price to pay, to be honest.  Piper was born and she fought like mad.  She fought for six weeks, until she finally had to give up.  See, I am hugely pro-choice.  I don’t care what your reasons are for abortion, if you need one, it is your decision.  However, I beg of people, please don’t leave the abortion limit at 24 weeks.  That is a living, viable child that doctors will deliver and leave to die.  24 weeks is too late.  This was one of the positive lessons I learned from this horrible experience.  Abortion is ok, but only to a point.  What I mainly learned, however, is what it means to be a parent, to be willing to give your life up for someone else without having to think about it.  What I learned is what true love means and that is the lasting legacy of the very short life of my gorgeous little girl and for that, I thank her every day.  Losing her was the worst day of my life, but at least I had the pleasure and honour of knowing her for six weeks.

Three Months Ago

Since Piper was born and died, I’ve had two miscarriages before finally giving birth to a gorgeous little boy, who is my absolute life.  However, a few months ago, we felt the time was right to try one more time.  I was about to give up when the magical second blue line appeared.  I was pregnant.  Once again over the moon, I went to a festival with some friends and was dancing to some beautiful music when I felt a pang.  Worried that I was miscarriaging, I checked for blood but there was none.  Suddenly feeling very faint, I grabbed on to the nearest first aider, who took me to the Red Cross post that was at the festival.  My blood pressure kept dropping and eventually they decided to rush me to hospital.  From here on end, things went from bad to worse.  The pain I have experienced is still fresh in my mind and I don’t think it will ever go away.  I was delirious, decided to get up and fainted.  At 6 foot tall, that is quite a drop, and I suffered a significant concussion from my fall.  Eventually, a scan revealed what the surgeon feared: I was having an ectopic pregnancy and it had ruptured.  I was, basically, bleeding to death.

Rushed to the surgery room, in my delirious state, I thought the surgeon was trying to murder me when they were putting a mask on me to put me under anaesthetic.  I fought like made, getting the mask off some three or four times before finally going under.

When I woke up, I had once again been sliced open.  The doctor rushed to my side and explained it had been a really close call.  I had lost almost four litres of blood and ended up having seven bags of blood, which still left me anaemic.

My world was shattered.  Strangely, not because of losing a child.  The baby was never a baby to me, since it wasn’t viable anyway.  What worried me was that I had come so close to losing my life.  Really dying.  Right after I was dancing in a field to some beautiful music.  What was that about?  I now have post-traumatic stress disorder as well.  That stupid anaesthetic cap won’t leave me alone and keeps coming back to me.  I struggled with the whole dying thing.  I was so bloody easy.  There was no white light, there was no outer body experience, no nothing.  I was just gone.  And worst of all, the world didn’t stop with me.  That was a really weird experience and it made me feel quite insignificant.  And to top it all of, I can’t have kids anymore now because of the three sections your out rule and because it’s too risk…

Now, I promised you something positive, but I had to get the horrible bits of my chest.  In fact, I wrote this quite a few days ago now, toying with whether or not to post it.  It’s such a personal story and still so raw.  But I need to get it off my chest.  I went to see my therapist yesterday who said there is nothing else he can do for me.  I guess I have reached a new level of crazy…  What he really meant was that I need more specialised treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder, which I will be getting soon, but it still felt pretty weird being told that.

Now for the positive note, however.  I have learned something hugely important.  You know when people say you could cross the street and get hit by a bus?  They mean it.  You really can have the best day of your life and find yourself dead a few hours later.  I have learned that you don’t have a minute, not even a second, to waste in this lifetime.  It will, one day, be over.  Just like that.  Your day may be today, it may be tomorrow, or it may be in 100 years, but your day will come.  I have learned that I will therefore not spend a single moment of my day doing something I genuinely don’t want to do (I would love to give up my job, but there’s no chance of that lol).  I won’t spend another second of my life being bored.  I will seize the day, every day, all day long.  I will tell people how I feel, that I love them and that they matter to me.  I will make them know that they make life worth living.  I want to tell everybody that you shouldn’t be complacent.  Don’t live your life doing things because you have to, do them because you want to.  Wake up every morning with a smile on your face and remember it is another day in which you have a chance to be happy and change the world.  I’ve gone through hell and back and through absolute shit, but I am grateful for that, because it has made me who I am and I, personally, really like myself.

I love the word fuck.  It has to be the most amazing word in the English language.  You can use it fucking everywhere, can’t you?  Plus, it is a word with feeling.  Fuck yeah it is!  And, when you really think about it, it isn’t a rude word at all, talking instead of love.  For fucking real!

Saying the Word Fuck

You can always say fuck.  You can say it when you are doing what the word actually denotes, but that is why less fun.  Imagine stubbing your toe.  It fucking hurts right?  But that’s where the word comes in so beautifully.  You can put all your pain into that one, simple, four lettered word.  The “f” can be drawn out, coming from your mouth.  The “u” can be equally drawn out and comes straight from your belly.  The “ck” comes right from the toe you have stubbed.  Fucking amazing!  There is no better feeling than saying it at the right time.

It’s not Such a Bad Word

We are raised not to say bad words, and fuck is the big bad word isn’t it?  Kids all over England are told never, ever, to say the “f word”.  Instead, they are told to bugger off or that they are little buggers.  Any clues on what that actually means?  It means something a whole lot worse than “fuck” when you think about it.  Although they are somewhat intertwined of course.

It’s All about Feeling

Now add to that the fact that fuck simply means making love.  When you say “fuck you” to someone, you are actually complimenting them, telling them that they are quite physically attractive.  Plus, you are spreading a message of peace and love across the world.  Nothing wrong with that right?  I say you should say fuck as much as possible, in the most creative possible way.

Then again, I guess you might say I am a bit of a hypocrite.  I don’t want my 6 year old saying fuck.  However, I most certainly don’t want to hear him say bugger either.  It’s not so much about the politeness and shit, swearing is not very polite after all, it’s more the fact that I just don’t think he’s quite ready to yield the awesome power of the word fuck.  He might use it too much and the word might lose its power.  Because the fact is that if someone suddenly decided that fuck wasn’t a swear word anymore, and you would hear global leaders say it all the time during board meetings or shit, it wouldn’t be such a nice word anymore.  So no, use it, use it all the time, but for fuck’s sake, do know when to stop as well!

Posted: October 23, 2012 in Uncategorized

Pride's Purge

(Not satire – it’s the BBC!)

The BBC was left reeling tonight after it uncovered itself trying to cover-up a cover-up it failed to uncover of it trying to cover up allegations of a cover-up of the Jimmy Savile sex abuse scandal.

The BBC’s uncovering of its own cover-up was uncovered by the BBC’s Panorama after it uncovered a cover-up by the BBC’s Newsnight which it is alleged was attempting to uncover a cover-up which was eventually only uncovered by ITV.

A spokesperson for the BBC tried in vain to explain what the f**k was going on:

All I know is that I’ve been ordered to explain that there’s been no cover-up whatsoever at the BBC. Apart from the one the BBC has uncovered tonight on Panorama of course.

In a related incident, the BBC has denied the BBC has accused it of attempting to hide from itself accusations that…

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Posted: October 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

Malatesta's Blog

Crivvens! Jings! And Help Ma Boab! Whit a way to start the week!  Mr Tommy Robinson, alias Steven Caxley-Trousers, of the English Defence League has been right royally nicked for all manner of shenanigans and is currently living it up in HMP on the nonce wing for his own protection! After boasting all week about his ‘boy’s day out’ and murmurs about ‘arctics’ on Twitter Mr Tommy and 50 odd other ‘patriots’ were all arrested in the back of a van allegedly intent on sneaking into London to attack a mosque at the weekend. The fallouts of this latest fiasco are very interesting indeed!

Given the fact that EDL security is as watertight as an Andrex Wetsuit it is hardly surprising that they all fell afoul of plod who were apparently tipped off and thus apprehended the merry bunch of racists. Rumours are flying around at the moment as to…

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Posted: October 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

And this is how it’s done 🙂

the void

Militant actions by Disabled People Against Cuts (DPAC) and Boycott Workfare were the high points at yesterday’s TUC march which otherwise was depressingly reminiscent of the ever decreasing returns which demolished the antiwar movement at the start of the century.

Union leaders have repeatedly threatened campaigns of direct action or civil disobedience aimed at austerity which have never materialised.  Yesterday hundreds of people decided to ignore their speeches in Hyde Park and take part in the mass shut down of workfare exploiters on Oxford Street or  join DPAC in blockading Park Lane.

The Radical Workers bloc, called by Solidarity Federation, which joined the unofficial feeder march from South London, was well attended and spirited.  Determined and disciplined fitwatching along the route of the march ensured that police intelligence gathering was kept to a minimum.

On arrival at Trafalgar Square a large portion of the march outwitted the heavy police…

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As humans, we are a species.  We are mammals, and as such we have certain things, on a biological level, that we have to adhere to.  We have to eat and drink, we have to breathe etc…  However, we have a great amount of choice and we have free will.  We can choose not to drink any alcohol, we can choose not to eat meat.  These are all biological factors.  What I am far more interested in, is how we should behave towards each other.  How we should co-exist.

We Are Driven to Be Selfish

One thing that I notice again and again and again is that we seem to be driven more and more to only think about ourselves.  Some of these messages are subtle.  For instance, we know we need a roof over our heads to live comfortably, but have you ever thought why we need to have one house per family, rather than living in a commune together?  This is one of the many subtle messages that we are being exposed to, but there are also some far less subtle ones.

Take the culture of suing others for instance.  Say you have a car accident, a pretty minor one that just happened.  How quick will you be to run to the doctors, claim whiplash and claim some compensation on the insurance of the other party?  We are being told in popular culture and by the media over and over again that we should do this.  It is our right to sue someone, it is our right to amass money.  In fact, we need money, otherwise we are nobody.  But by suing someone, you are suing another human being, a human being that also has a life and feelings.  If this was just an accident, and accidents happen, how can we be so mean and cruel to our fellow humans?  Because we are desensitised to the plight of other human beings, that’s why.

A good example was given to me a while ago: if you walk past a dead body, you will probably be shocked.  But how many dead bodies along the way will it take for you to no longer be shocked?  That is desensitisation and that is what is happening around us all the time.  And it’s scary.  It’s scary because it means we have gotten so used to hardship in others that we don’t even see it anymore.

Another good example for me is authority.  We always have people in authority, but why is that?  For me, it’s an element of trust.  People in authority don’t trust others to make the right decisions.  People who need a figure of authority don’t trust themselves to make the right decisions.  Because of this, like sheep, we look towards a leader who tells us what to do.  And if this leader tells us that we need to think about number one first, and no one else, we do it.

What Should it Be Like?

I personally believe in co=existing.  We are here together, we share this planet, we have lines that link us all together.  Why not nurture those lines?  Why not be there for each other?  If I have something you don’t, why can’t I just share that with you?  No doubt a time will come that you have something I need and you can share it with me.  Why don’t we live together, help each other take care of one another?  Why aren’t we co-existing as humans?

This isn’t about privacy.  Everybody is entitled to privacy.  Everybody is entitled to have a space for themselves, some time to just be with their self.  We are, after all, individuals.  But is there any need for us to be so individualistic?  I personally believe in community.  I believe in helping people who need my help.  And I don’t give this help because I may need help back at some point.  I hope beyond hope that I will never need help.  But I also believe that if the time were to come that I do need help, someone will be there for me too, because that is how a community works.  That is how we should all co-exist.  Instead of focusing on our differences and using them to elevate one belief or behaviour above another, why not celebrate differences and use these differences to learn more?